Letting Go of a Past that Never Was

Day 189…

We are readying the house I grew up in for an estate sale.  It was difficult getting started.  This is the house we moved into when I was 7.  I am now 61.  There are a lot of memories, as well as stuff, in this place.  But over time, with help from those who do not share the history of this house, we’re almost finished.

Yesterday I began cleaning out the closet of “wedding stuff” in my own house.  The silver and china I received as a young bride and rarely used.  My two marriages were not like the marriage of my mother.  We did not use the “good” china on Sundays.  I did not host ladies’ luncheons.  I see this now.  I had the trappings of a 50’s marriage (think Ward and June Cleaver)  but that was not the vision of who I wanted to be.

Maybe I married because I wanted children and that’s the way one had children in 1975.  I had, afterall, chosen to be an elementary teacher.  Maybe the rest of the deal was not really what I wanted.  Knowing this now helps me understand why my own marriages seemed like such disasters. 

So I took one load of stuff to the family home to add to the sale, a bit unsure about how I would feel.  And I cried, that aching moaning grief kind of cry.  The cry for something that never was. 

Then I went to Renzi, to play with my afterschool kids, and soon forgot about the crying. 

Today I will take another load of stuff from my closet.

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment.  And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new.  Right now.  ~Author Unknown

Writing topic:  What is past 

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Oh yes, this is good stuff! While I know this kind of grief is painful, there is also something very beautiful hiding inside that pain. Blessings to you on this journey of cleaning out the past. ~M

    Reply

  2. Oh yes, this is good stuff! While I know this kind of grief is painful, there is also something very beautiful hiding inside that pain. Blessings to you on this journey of cleaning out the past. ~M

    Reply

  3. Very brave of you to be so vulnerable in sharing your experience. thank you. Eve

    Reply

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