Behind Me and In Front of Me

Day 198…

Today’s post is hard.  I cried off and on all day yesterday, like the overcast skies and occasional showers we were all experiencing.   I now know I was working loose a solution for an old shame that wouldn’t go away.   

I was the oldest of three children, the only girl.  Throughout my senior year in high school my mother was in and out of hospitals for what at that time was called a nervous breakdown.  It was expensive.  And there was very little communication about it within the family.  But that didn’t make it go away.

When it was time for college I chose a small, private liberal arts college that was not in my hometown.  It was expensive.   I wanted out of that mess.  But what I now know I did was add to the burden, both financially and emotionally, for the rest of the family.  It didn’t go away.

And I didn’t get out of the mess like I wanted.  I just passed it on.  My own son suffered from a similar lack of family communication.  

It’s not easy facing this mess and then recognizing the opportunities to make amends.  I’ve done a lot of talking about it, hoping to improve communications, but I’ve needed to put actions with those words.

Yesterday was the family estate sale.  It would not draw big money. There was just a lot of stuff there.  But in between my off and on crying I saw an opportunity.  I would put my part of the sales into my niece and nephew’s college funds.  A bit of action to go with my words.  

And the crying stopped.

Writing topic:  More than words

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Action does have a way of taking us out of our grief and back into life…

    Reply

  2. And many times it is when we go through the darkest, remember the light is just right behind pushing its way through. Thank you for sharing your journey with words, courage and love.

    Reply

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