Archive for the ‘questions’ Category

Assessing the Blog

Day 363…

Yesterday I once again spend the morning…a good four hours…in my writing room.  I fill pages in my journal, I write notes to myself on a nearby pad, and I read.  One of my writing teachers, Sean Murphy, calls this velcroing myself to the chair.

This morning I want to do it again.  I’m not sure why.  I uncover at least as many questions as answers.  Enough to scare me off in the past, but for now that seems to be what I want.  Maybe it’s this new found interest in my muse,  my intuition.

I wonder why I am ready to let go of this blog.  To see what else will fill this time?  To go deeper into my own writing?  To allow possible writing projects to become clearer?  I’m not sure, and I want to find out.

Writing this blog every day for a year has been a good experience.  I know that on many levels.  But if I give the experience some distance, what else can I learn?

I have been practicing commitment…sticking to a project or idea, even when I am not sure what I hope to gain from it.   Opening to the possibilities, to something more than I can imagine.  And I want more of that.

Writing topic:  More than I can imagine

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Questions and Answers

Day 323…

Yesterday’s daily enlightenment from http://yourdailyenlightenment.wordpress.com :

Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions.    Earl Gray Stevens

These words find me in the middle (?) of creating my own “art” and convincing myself I really didn’t need to finish this project.  It was enough to just experience the process.  Old self-reasoning when I’m getting too close to the jugular.  Gulp.

Then Lynn calls from New Mexico, a gentle, creative friend I haven’t seen for at least ten years.  We immediately launch into an intimate connection of shared concerns and how we work through them.

Next I attend the opening of the Art Educators Show, hoping to get ideas and inspiration and to meet up with Nadine, a playfully creative friend.  Well, she was there and patiently listened to my hesitations, offered ideas, and then suggested we walk through the Red River District…a block of empty, neglected buildings amid colorful, mosaic murals nestled under the bridge and across the street from the casinos.

I’m ready to begin again.

Writing topics:  Open to the questions

A Little Pep Talk

Day 321…

Paulo Coelho’s Facebook status this morning says, “Writing is a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public.”

I am making that my mantra this week as I push myself to finish an entry in the Look, Don’t Touch art show at East Bank Theater, to run simultaneously with a production of Vagina Monologues.

What’s the problem, Laura?  You’ve been exposing yourself through your writings, with your writing buddies and in writing groups for years now.

Well this is a different medium…one I’m not very good at.

Did you think you were any good when you started writing?

Not at all.

So why did you keep working at it?

I needed to talk.

What do you need to say in this art show?

That being exposed and vulnerable is nothing to be ashamed of.

So go for it.

Can I keep checking in with you when I get a little scared?

Sure.

Thanks.

Writing topic:  What I need to say…

Why I Continue to Write

Day 320…

Who am I?  What am I doing?  How do I stay connected to the world around me and within?

Listen to yourself.  She’s the one who knows you best.

Writing topic:  What is

Story Weaver

Day 314…

Anger came to visit me in the middle of the night.

Why are you just farting around, talking about creativity and passion, but not doing a damn thing about it?  he bellowed.

This is hard for me, I babbled.

He wasn’t listening.

I haven’t had enough confidence in my voice, I continued.

Time is running out, he yelled.  When are you actually going to do something?

I wanted him to leave me alone.  Didn’t he know I was working on two pieces?  Couldn’t he give me a little credit for asking for help from Haley yesterday?  Don’t my baby steps count for something?

This morning I wake confused.  Shouldn’t I just be satisfied with where I am?  Can’t I quit trying to be more and just be grateful for where I’ve come?

I wish.  I fight with how I will spend my day.  What will be distractions, what could be inspiration?  How the hell does anyone know?

I sit in the garden with my markers and begin to scribble.  A blue jay watches from six feet away.

Then I move to my computer.  Through the sunroom windows I see a blue ribbon in the dirt (what used to be grass when we used to have rain.)  That was not there last night.  A closer look reveals it had been tied to a balloon.

Is this distraction or inspiration?  I think I’ll try writing a story.

Writing topic:  Is it all story?

What’s that Apple About Anyway?

Day 307…

What Garden of Eden is complete without an apple, I think, as I add my newest bird feeder.  And what was that apple about anyway?

Original sin? Tree of knowledge?  Shame and guilt?  Disobeying God? Was it even an apple?

Google “apple in the Garden of Eden” and read the diverse interpretations…

Everything’s a trigger, a stimulus.  A metaphor.  Isn’t what it means, and is real to us, based on our experience?  Can’t we stand apart from our personal reactions and consider other responses?  Wouldn’t sharing our ideas and experience build healthier communities?  But wouldn’t we have to leave our “comfort zone” and feel “exposed?”

Me, I like the potential of a plastic apple hummingbird feeder to a) attract hummingbirds, b) challenge my thinking, and c) keep me looking for connection.

Writing topic:  Apple in the Garden of Eden

Talking to Myself

Day 306…

Look what I caught!!!  After thirty minutes of sitting in my blue chair with my camera ready.

Yesterday morning was spent with moody teenagers.  I was moody after that.  So affected by my environment.

So, what’d you do about it, Laura?

Grumbled.

How’d that work?

Not so good.

Then what?

I tried reading.

And?

Well, I’m a hundred pages into Room and it’s pretty depressing.

So you stayed with it?

Nah, I went for a walk.

Oh, good!

Yeah, it was OK.  Change of scenery and all.

And then?

I took a nap.

Ah..

Yeah, much better.

So you were OK then?

Well, then I sent a text to a friend.

And?

She replied enthusiastically, telling me I was a calming influence.

And your problem with that?

It scared me a little.  I felt too much responsibility.

So what’d you do next?

I went outside to watch the birds.

And?

Much better.

I’m glad.

Oh, and here’s the cardinal I caught.  But today I’ll try to get a clearer picture.

Natalie Goldberg describe the “sweetheart voice” as a balance for the ever-present monkey mind.  I’m thinking it’s a helpful way to make friends with my inner critic.

Writing topic:  The sweetheart voice