Posts Tagged ‘personal’

Letting Go

Day 365..

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/40-ways-to-let-go-and-feel-less-pain/

Writing topic:

What I Know

Day 364…

Again I spend a morning velcroed to the chair.  What is going on?  I know I have two days left with this blog.  I know the first of  two intern seminars I facilitate begins tomorrow and the afternoon program I work with begins next week.  I know there is a restlessness within me.

I read more Natalie Goldberg.  Thunder and Lightning this time.  And more of the Hadley and Ernest Hemingway story, A Paris Wife.

I know I have stuffed emotions that are triggered by thoughts, experiences,conversations, or images.  I know writing practice helps me let go of them.

I know we still have 100 degree days and no rain and watching mindless conflict on the news only frustrates me.  I know writing practice helps me accept “what is.”

I know a syllabus needs to be written, a book needs to be returned to the library, a bill needs to be paid.  I know writing practice helps me focus on what I can do.

What I know…Life is full of challenges.  And writing, for me,  is a way to stay present and accounted for.

Writing topic:  What I know

Assessing the Blog

Day 363…

Yesterday I once again spend the morning…a good four hours…in my writing room.  I fill pages in my journal, I write notes to myself on a nearby pad, and I read.  One of my writing teachers, Sean Murphy, calls this velcroing myself to the chair.

This morning I want to do it again.  I’m not sure why.  I uncover at least as many questions as answers.  Enough to scare me off in the past, but for now that seems to be what I want.  Maybe it’s this new found interest in my muse,  my intuition.

I wonder why I am ready to let go of this blog.  To see what else will fill this time?  To go deeper into my own writing?  To allow possible writing projects to become clearer?  I’m not sure, and I want to find out.

Writing this blog every day for a year has been a good experience.  I know that on many levels.  But if I give the experience some distance, what else can I learn?

I have been practicing commitment…sticking to a project or idea, even when I am not sure what I hope to gain from it.   Opening to the possibilities, to something more than I can imagine.  And I want more of that.

Writing topic:  More than I can imagine

OK, Muse, You’ve Got My Attention

Day 362…

Ah, yesterday the entire morning is spent in my writing room.  Allowing my muse to have her way with me.  I’m not avoiding her with busy-ness, I offer no excuses, I just steadily write on…and on.

I only have little clues of what this is about…this abundance of ideas flowing from my pen.  I take a few breaks to read.  A little of Natalie Goldberg’s book Wild Mind and The Paris Wife by Paula McLain…a story of Hadley and Ernest Hemingway.  Even my reading is about writing.

Later when I leave the house, new ideas fire.  Ideas about the ideas I was having earlier.  I need to be with others just to get the Muse to shut up.  But the “others” I am with are writers and storytellers themselves.

And in the night, she visits again.  Why the persistence?  Is it because I am giving in to her?  Has she been like this all along?

Day 362 of this year-long blogging commitment…and school starts this week.  I’m transitioning into a new year, and I’m listening.  Wednesday will be my last blog.  For a while?  Forever?  I don’t know.  I don’t seem to be in charge.

Writing topic:  Giving in

Book Connections

Day 361…

An observation:  As the acupuncturist releases my inner chi energy, I follow her work by cleaning up and decluttering the outer chi, my house.

A book on a table near the Barnes and Noble cafe calls to me the other day.  Not something I think I would be looking for, but obviously something inside me connected.  It would have appealed to my son.

Advice for living well in this world, using quotes from science-fiction and fantasy.  Sacred teachings.

For the quote by Isaac Asimov, “If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood.  I’d type a little faster.”  the author addresses “being driven by the creative impulse–by the all-encompassing need to take what’s inside and put it out there…

Oh, I can so connect with that thought.

And the book itself, sitting on that table?  Was it patiently waiting for me to “see” it, to take what’s outside and bring it in?

Writing topic:  Books that connect

Simple Rituals

Day 360…

I have spent weeks sorting, cleaning, organizing…deep decluttering.  I am proud to say I am no longer a candidate for “Hoarders.”  And it feels wonderful.

Last night, the writing group helps me celebrate.  Alex makes an elegant rasberry tart, Lynda brings veggies and a yummy ranch dip.  Joann comes for the first time and Katie brings her endearing, brave self.

This is more than a girls’ night out, although there is a bit of that.  We have created a safe place to be, to speak, and to listen, and for me, in this noisy, cluttered world,  it is a respite.

I write to rise above my mindless day-to-day triggers and reactions, and on Wednesday nights I practice this ritual with others.  A couple hours of sacred awareness, amid record breaking high temperatures and drought, economic instability, family concerns and personal struggles.

My writing teacher, Natalie Goldberg, says “Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go.”

Ah yes, Natalie.  Ah, yes.

Writing topic:  Writing as a spiritual practice

Love As Feeling

Day 359…

Why is love, the subject of artists and philosophers throughout the ages,  so hard to pin down?  It is not just words or images or specific people and events.  Although words and images and specific people and events certainly seem to trigger “love.”

There was a simple illustrated phrase hanging in our family breakfast room when I was growing up.  A craft made at Vacation Bible School.  “God is Love,” it said, every time we came together for a family meal.

God is Love.  And if God is Love, and we are God’s children, then we, too, are Love.

I like that feeling.

Writing topic:  The feeling of Love

P.S.  False alarm on Melissa’s baby.  But a good trial run for everyone involved.